10 timeless laws of Iraqi Muharram Majalis

January 29, 2012

Community


Disclaimer: This post is not intended to disrespect the majalis in any way or form, the Majalis are an important feature of Shia faith as they keep the flame of Imam Hussain (as) alive year in year out. They serve as a means of reminding us of truth from falsehood. This post is a light hearted outlook on Iraqi cultural practices that take place and by no means a form of disrespect.

1) You must wear black and no light colours, if you risk wearing bright colours then you are at the mercy of people’s tongues. It is preferable that your socks are also black, navy blue will be acceptable as a replacement

2) When the speaker reaches the end of his lecture you must not look at his face and put your head down and cry, if you cannot cry you must force yourself to cry, if you cannot force it then think of something sad and cry.

3) Depending on the Majlis it may be difficult to obtain food therefore you need to use your wit either acquire the assistance of a young one to do you the honours or make sure you are number 1 and ahead of the others. If you manage to acquire your food then make sure you have the means to acquire seconds then thirds.

4) When entering an English Majlis ensure you look baffled and confused as to where to sit, this will give you maximum exposure to the females at the back and hence will increase your self-esteem. Caution do not do it for too long otherwise you will look bad, if the Majlis is packed then you have struck gold and ensure you carefully tip toe past all those seated. Maximum exposure complete.

5) You must enjoy Qeema both Karbaleeya and Najafeeya if in the rare case that you do not then you have misunderstood Muharam completely

6) The magnetic law of ‘Latom’ states that the level of religiosity is determined by your proximity to the centre of the circle

7) Do not turn up to the Majlis at the stated time as that is a sign of ignorance rather turn up approx 45 minutes after this ensures that law 4 is covered.

8) You must not question any acts that take place because if you do then you risk the wrath of judgment day. Rather you must stay quiet and ‘play the game’. offering your own opinion is a sign of disobedience.

9) Always place your shoes in an area that you will remember techniques to help include,

  • Placing in the corner of the shoe rack
  • Taking a photo with your smartphone for visual reference

In the event that you have lost your shoes be prepared to ‘borrow’ a ni3al (slipper) however at your own risk for they could turn out to be those belonging to an important person

10) Clear our your music collection and bring in the Latom collection however you must ensure that your bass on your car is set to maximum. This will emphasise the beat of the latom and in turn make you look cool whilst slowing your car down looking for parking.

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About mohamedridha

Network Systems Engineer with focus on Wireless LAN Infrastructure and Security. Interests in Middle East

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3 Comments on “10 timeless laws of Iraqi Muharram Majalis”

  1. HR Says:

    Salam Mohammedridha,

    How are you my brother? Inshallah you are doing very well.

    I have few comments I would like to share with you regarding this blog

    1) It is very healthy to constructively criticize our own actions so that in return we develop our selves towards a better state. I hope.

    2) As far as Law 1, I don’t think we are in a position to criticize this phenomena, this is because there are hadeeths that state it is recommended to wear black. Peoples toungue is another matter.

    3) As far as Law 2, again there are hadeeths by the prophet (he was the first one to cry about Imam Hussain).

    So again, I think peoples actions are another matter.

    I am trying to clarify the concepts as it was not very clear from the blog whether you are criticizing the concept or peoples action.

    4) Law 4 made me laugh 🙂

    5) I agree with you on Law 8. unfortunately this is the status of our community. However this can be changed. It takes time. But people can change if approached the right way.

    Regards

    Reply

  2. Ali Imran Says:

    Assalam-u-Allaikum

    LoL man I’m surprised you even got away with this post. If I had done something similar on my blog – my community would have ripped me apart 😛

    But some of these are so true for other centers as well. Haha #6 Magnetic Law. In our culture, it is defined by the Law of Bareness – the more skin you show by taking your shirt off, the more religious you can be deemed. If you support Zanjeer marks on your back then you are almost an Aarif!

    Reply

  3. nostalgic Says:

    Hilarious.

    Reply

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